Happy Easter WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh by the way....Happy easter from the easter chimp.

New uses for the word chicken

As in all good sea stories I'm going to start this one with "This is no shit!" SO....................This is no shit. We are standing in this young mans living room post his calling 911 for chest pain. This 25 Y/O non helmet wearing special person is being assessed by hose B the fire man. After claiming to be in 10 out of 10 pain (this is the normal answer for the record.) the "pt" decides that he does not require transport to the hospital. This is received with the same resigned expression that all retards get (I don't mean mentally challenged people that have a handicap through no fault of their own.). Well sir you could be having a cardiac event..........The only way to positively rule that out is by looking at your cardiac enzymes with blood work.......yada yada yada (read with full on Ben Stiller affect). Not that anyone in the room is under any illusion that Cro-Magnon man here has any idea what an enzyme is. It's hard to understand the kings english when you have the chromosomal DNA of a mule deer. Having told the afore mentioned productive member of society all of the required disclaimers that accompany any field refusal he looks up at us and says "I wuz in da South Dakota and the Doctor told me I have the chicken gristle on my ribs". Excuse me? Did you just tell me you have "the chicken gristle on your ribs?" What the fuck does that mean? No really....... Im serious I want to know what the fuck you're talking about. Are you talking about costal chondritis? What is the ICD 9 code for chicken gristle on the ribs? Is that truly a differential diagnosis? And while youre answewring these questions sir is this by chance your car? Because they come in all colors.

If the Shoe Fits.........

Ok,

Who the fuck names their kid Allegra? Yes I know it means happiness. It's almost as stupid as "Quadleesha". No I'm not making that up. It blows my mind how some parents will condemn their child to at least 18 years of torture because they think a name is cool. I knew a guy all through elementary and high school named Toby. Maybe you can pull that off if your last name is Keith but as a little kid in the central US it's a curse. That poor kid got screwed with non stop. "Are your parents black etc? What's your name boy?" Once again it was not a time when anyone gave a shit about being racially sensitive or at least pretended to. It seems the closer you get to the center of a city the stranger the names and spelling gets. I mean Shonquea? What the fuck is that? Do they mean Shanequa? Did I even spell that right? I mean whatever happened to names like Sarah, Kim or Beth? I mean why do people spend so much time trying to be different and then bitch when they get treated differently? I mean what the fuck? If you walk around like a circus freak don't be surprised when people treat you like one! Has anyone ever stopped to think that we are Americans first? You're not a Mexican, African, German or whatever American. YOU'RE AN AMERICAN for christ sakes! Maybe if people would spend a little less time and effort proving how different they are we would all realize how similar we really are. It's bullshit. Just be an American and stop sucking the tit of society.