Gen Schwartz

HEY SIR! Heres what your guys are saying about this. Why is it that the majority of them don't have an issue with it? Big joke.....funny stuff right sir? I hope to God you never have a family member treated the way your men have treated others.

http://www.afforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38975

airmen with casket

Ok this is just retarded. Jeep apparently has just released a Jeep based on the call of duty game......... I don't event know where to go with this. This is right up there with Harley Davidson trucks. ITS A FU#@*#G GAME! If your life is that wrapped up in Call Of Duty you have issues. I will grant you it's a fun game but Jesus Christ you might as well put a sign on your car that says "I live in my moms basement and have never been laid". While you clearly have the money to buy one of these you don't have the pride to not be caught dead in one. Clearly a violation of rule #1. And people wonder why the world laughs at us. Common guys really?

NURSE (A verb that means to suck) The street lights are on does your mom know where you are?

Now before you go ape shit understand this is aimed at the verb thats been proudly serving in the ED since around 2:00 pm TODAY. As my partner and I unloaded the third drunk of the evening in one of the local ED's one of the new RN's who looked about 8 years old walks up in a state of complete indignation and states "why didn't you take him to detox?" This was promptly followed by "I notice that your patient is not in a c collar". Ok Clara Barton why don't you take a Quaalude or 15 with this cup of shut the hell up. If you have taken the time to listen to the report you would have caught the fact that the pt was unable to ambulate without assistance. not that that would have mattered to you since you have no idea what the detox criteria are in this town ( able to ambulate W/O assistance, a pressure of less then 180 and a BAC of less then 300). Second of all we transport the afore mentioned douche bag once a day. The pt has CHRONIC lateral neck pain. If you had more then 20 minutes in the field you would understand why the pt was not in a c collar and know enough to keep your mouth shut! After 18 years of doing this it never fails to amaze me how new people to EMS / emergency medicine think they are going to re invent the wheel. I don't know maybe its just me being a grumpy old fart. You would think when the grizzled old Paramedic walks into the room looks at the doc and say's "Hey Bob same story different day. No trauma or new complaints from this morning. Vitals are yada yada yada" The brand new verb would pick up on the fact that these two people have done this once or seven hundred times over the same pt and have a first name working relationship. Maybe just maybe theres some trust there. Maybe just maybe that Paramedic thats been doing this since you were shitting your pants knows what he's doing. But what do I know you clearly have figured out all the answers in your 2 hours on the job. By the way the street lights are on does your mommy know where you are? This post has been edited for length and content! LOL

Rule #1

Everyday life is really pretty simple. As George Carlin in his infinite wisdom explained, you don't really need the 10 commandments. Clearly you can simplify that list dramatically. I like to call it rule number one. All of the others can be summed up with this simple rule.

RULE #1 DON'T BE A DOUCHE BAG

If you need any kind of clarification on this you have already violated the rule.

Absolutism

Ok its been a while since I chimed in. Would someone please tell me when absolutism replaced the rule of reason. It's just fucking unreal. No one has any tolerance for any kind of opposing views. It's their way or no way. People would rather club each other over the head like baby seals rather then LISTENING to another viewpoint. We now live in a society where a woman will beat the snot out of another woman over the barney banjo they are arguing over. Yes this actually happened.......You just cant make this shit up (I ran this call! More to follow on this). As an example a guy will post a video of the Patterson Bigfoot film on you tube and the next thing you know people are going at it to the point that they are blasting each others religion. REALLY!!!!!! I mean come on. You're really going to hurl insults over Bigfoot? WHO cares one way or the other. Is it real? Hell I don't know! It could be, then again it might not be. It certainly has not been proven beyond a doubt thats for sure. I am relatively sure that regardless of wether it's real or not it's not going to pay my mortgage. HOWEVER..........I wouldn't argue with Bigfoot if he offered to! I can say this. Iv'e met guys who I consider to be honest people that say they have had face to face encounters with one. Guys who really have nothing to gain and everything to lose by making that kind of claim. The bottom line is each person needs to decide what they believe in without the fear of some douche wagon passing judgment on their existence. Hey buddy whats that in your eye? OH SHIT IT'S A PLANK! For the love of God don't be such an asshole. If you disagree with someone just say so. You don't have to engage in the practice of personal attacks. If you want to vent your spleen on any given subject start a blog! Later this weekend KHARMAS A BITCH.

Happy Easter WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh by the way....Happy easter from the easter chimp.

New uses for the word chicken

As in all good sea stories I'm going to start this one with "This is no shit!" SO....................This is no shit. We are standing in this young mans living room post his calling 911 for chest pain. This 25 Y/O non helmet wearing special person is being assessed by hose B the fire man. After claiming to be in 10 out of 10 pain (this is the normal answer for the record.) the "pt" decides that he does not require transport to the hospital. This is received with the same resigned expression that all retards get (I don't mean mentally challenged people that have a handicap through no fault of their own.). Well sir you could be having a cardiac event..........The only way to positively rule that out is by looking at your cardiac enzymes with blood work.......yada yada yada (read with full on Ben Stiller affect). Not that anyone in the room is under any illusion that Cro-Magnon man here has any idea what an enzyme is. It's hard to understand the kings english when you have the chromosomal DNA of a mule deer. Having told the afore mentioned productive member of society all of the required disclaimers that accompany any field refusal he looks up at us and says "I wuz in da South Dakota and the Doctor told me I have the chicken gristle on my ribs". Excuse me? Did you just tell me you have "the chicken gristle on your ribs?" What the fuck does that mean? No really....... Im serious I want to know what the fuck you're talking about. Are you talking about costal chondritis? What is the ICD 9 code for chicken gristle on the ribs? Is that truly a differential diagnosis? And while youre answewring these questions sir is this by chance your car? Because they come in all colors.