If the Shoe Fits.........

Ok,

Who the fuck names their kid Allegra? Yes I know it means happiness. It's almost as stupid as "Quadleesha". No I'm not making that up. It blows my mind how some parents will condemn their child to at least 18 years of torture because they think a name is cool. I knew a guy all through elementary and high school named Toby. Maybe you can pull that off if your last name is Keith but as a little kid in the central US it's a curse. That poor kid got screwed with non stop. "Are your parents black etc? What's your name boy?" Once again it was not a time when anyone gave a shit about being racially sensitive or at least pretended to. It seems the closer you get to the center of a city the stranger the names and spelling gets. I mean Shonquea? What the fuck is that? Do they mean Shanequa? Did I even spell that right? I mean whatever happened to names like Sarah, Kim or Beth? I mean why do people spend so much time trying to be different and then bitch when they get treated differently? I mean what the fuck? If you walk around like a circus freak don't be surprised when people treat you like one! Has anyone ever stopped to think that we are Americans first? You're not a Mexican, African, German or whatever American. YOU'RE AN AMERICAN for christ sakes! Maybe if people would spend a little less time and effort proving how different they are we would all realize how similar we really are. It's bullshit. Just be an American and stop sucking the tit of society.

Well F*CK!

Well this is how it happened..................

Adam and I put the bike on the lift to replace the front end. All was well, we got the springer put in place and were lowering the bike when it came down faster then expected! The bike fell off the right side of the lift onto the floor of the garage and dented the right side of the tank. At least no one got hurt. Adam and I looked at each other and kind of grinned. No one hurt! No foul! We have a spare tank so its not a huge deal. Thank God it didn't crack the manifold or worse! On the bright side the springer front end is bad ass! Next is the custom seat, sissy bar, Weber carb and jockey shifter. Sled to hell indeed!

New Shovelhead!

Ok so here we go! Picked up my new shovelhead this week. Holy shit this bike runs like a raped ape! It's 80 cubic inches of pure kill me! Of course I got it home and one of the brothers and I started tearing into it. I'm stunned at some of the half assed crap the previous owner did to it. Fixing em one by one however and will be on top of it by the end of the week (film at 11). I will be posting some funny dumb cop stuff later in the week check back!

YES HE'S A PT....I KNOW HE'S DRUNK...........

As I sit here 0212 synching the IPhone and Ipad wishing "E" was home I can't help but think what a twisted place this is. On one hand new doors open everyday on the other hand God slams one in your face to wake you up. Just when you think you have it down you realize you don't. After a certain amount of time working the streets as a paramedic you realize that you will make very little difference regardless of how hard you work. The reality of EMS now is 50% to 60% of your pt load is transients, drunks, street drug addicts and seekers. We all know this is nothing new. What is new is the change in attitude regarding these pt's. Yes I called them pt's. I know deep philosophical breath............. The trend now in the ER's as well as pre hospital is to just medicate, transport and get them back out the door as quickly as possible. It's a process as complicated yet simple as the Ocean conveyer belt. Without it the system dies. Critically ill pt's don't get the expedient care they need due to congestion. Don't get me wrong they get care but it's not what it could be. The reality is we focus on expediting the drunks etc. so we can just do our jobs. We call it customer service. Keep these people happy and quiet and they make less of a scene and can be moved quicker. Standing orders for dilaudid for ANYONE if they request pain med's. Ativan to keep the drunks from seizing call em clinically sober (They can walk at 300) and ship em to detox. Detox discharges them the next day, they self medicate to stop the withdraw and call 911 from the pay phone outside Mrs. Fields cookies! No shit that's the phone of choice right after just lying down on the sidewalk and telling some well meaning dolt with a cell phone they have chest pain. It's a constant cycle that's been going on for years. On one hand ya can't blame a guy who is going through withdraws for self medicating with booze. It's a horrible experience. One I wouldn't wish on anyone. Something I could never have understood until this weekend. I was admitted to the hospital with a respiratory infection that was causing hypertension at a biblical level. 200+ systolic pressures (140 mean) and SaO2's in the mid 80's. Having all kinds of issues being the dysfunctional paramedic that I am they decided to smoke my bags with Solu Medrol and Ativan. They did this non stop for 36 hours. Don't get me wrong I was going ape shit and told them to please sedate me. What I didn't need was 2mg of Ativan q 4 on top of 125 of Solu Medrol Q 4 with a little MS thrown in for good measure! HOLY F&CK!!!!!!! Well two days later things are looking up from a respiratory standpoint and it's time to thing about sending Scott home. Now common sense would state that you wean the poor bastard that you've just done this to off of this stuff. Not so much. Packed me up in a daze and sent me home after my wife had begged them to start cutting the dosing and been ignored. By the time the half life of the Ativan came into play I was climbing the fuc*ing walls. I can honestly say that it was one of the worst experiences of my life. 20 + hours of hell. Keep in mind Iv'e never withdrawn from ANYTHING! Not really a drinker and don't do any kind of recreational drugs at all. I have a whole new understanding of the hell those people are in. Regardless of wether it's self inflicted or not it's still a living hell. I guess thats what it took for God (or whatever imaginary man you prey to) to get me to open my eye's.

Now that aside I still laugh my ass off at how stupid people think we actually are. So this dip shit and his buddy are driving down the street when his crank enabling partner starts to no shit seize! Being the socially responsible citizen he is, he pulls over and calls 911. Drags his buddy out onto the side of the road and closes the car door. Less chance of anyone seeing the meth in the car that way or ending up with a corpse in the passenger seat that's going to be a trifle hard to explain. Enter the paramedics. Get out of the bus and here's this guy that's actually postictal, incontinent and has chewed the hell out of his tongue (not some fibro frump pseudo seizure attention getting bull shit). So while starting to work on getting this guy going I look at his "friend" and ask "what were you guy's doing when this started.....any kind of recreational drugs etc?" Now if you're in the business so to speak you get this. I don't give a shit what you've done just tell me so I can figure out how to try to fix it. "Oh no sir we don't do that stuff" through his grey rotting grill someone might mistake for dentation. This guy's D stick is 101......well shit thats not it. Go fishing through the guys pockets and find the bottle in the picture above. He's has the nerve to look me in the eye and say "I did't know". REALLY! So as the pt is beginning to come around and we begin to get some actual history this guy's absolutely denying doing any kind of drugs. When confronted with the bottle his response was (no shit I love this) I cut my aspirin up with a razor and snort it. Refused to cop to the crank regardless of the fact. What a jack wagon. Oh well get on the conveyer belt ya douche bag thats a violation of rule one and two in the same sentence.

ARE YOU F*&CKING KIDDING ME!

Ok if you're a fireman don't take this personally. I have had quite a few less the stellar experiences with some of the medics that work for the local fire department. To be fair I'm sure they can say the same about us. God knows we have our share of morons. What I have a serious issue with is guys that just don't seem to get it. I will give you a few of the ones that stand out over the last few months. 25 ish female at work having "Grand mal seizures" for the benefit of her co workers. 30 to 40 second thrash fest followed by 5 to 10 minutes of immediate lucidity and talking. I know, I know what you're thinking. this pt is clearly an undiagnosed fibro frump. Hell you're probably right! After a very dramatic unassisted walk to the cot the fire medic leaned over and said "what do you think about 5 of valium?" My response was predictable. "Why the f#*k would you want to do that its not a seizure"? His response "I don't know we ran a girl that presented just like this. She had a helmet and seizure dog" ARE YOU F%#KING KIDDING! Well then by all means medicate her! A few hours later I returned to the same ED and asked how things turned out. Completely normal EEG and labs. What your not surprised? The best part of this story came three weeks later when his Lt played the "I followed up on that pt" game and tried to tell me it was a real seizure. Ok sir.................If it makes you feel better so be it. Fast forward to a week ago. We ran a 4 year old who actually had a diagnosed seizure disorder. The poor kid was postictal and presenting differently then he normally did post seizure (mom was clearly well informed on the pt condition). The same Lt / medic rode in with us. He neglected to do a D-stick (My student insisted on the D-stick which was normal) and refused to start a line. Why you might ask? Well...................."I don't think we are there yet!" Hey sir..........when the f#@k will we be there when the kid seizes again?" REALLY!!!!!! I mean Jesus Christ! My dilemma is that this guy is a really nice genuine person. I actually really like him. For the record (and any firemen reading this) The guy's normally do a great job. They are not a transporting agency so they spend less time with the pt's. But for the love of God this is bread and butter shit. Kinda like the fire medic that refused to put a c collar on a GSW to the head until we had finished carrying this bone head up two flights of stairs! Ok....lets see....... we are going to strap this guy to a board but not secure his head? "I'm the Lt its my call!" Ok ma m your call indeed! But thats a story for another day.

Talk Shit Get Hit

Why do people think they can say anything they want? I will tell you why. People don't think they will be held accountable for the vomit that spews from their mouths. The people Im talking about are the assholes that yell at their windshields etc. You know the type. The standard jock douche bag that's never been in an a situation where he could loose everything including his life. He has nothing better to do then flex his own fucking mouth. Funny how the guy won't make eye contact at ya at the stop light. People who have never gone without and feel entitled to pass judgement on everything and everyone around them. People who would never say anything to you if they didnt have a car around them. Well keep talking dickhead. One day some squared away guy is going to catch up with you. In the mean time FUCK YOU!

"Cause That's How I Roll"

OK, Im not even sure how to start this. People who use this term drive me fuc*ing nuts. ever since 911 this term has been in vogue. It's right up there on my list of overused, misunderstood, undervalued words, sayings between hero and fireman. Let me give you a perfect example of just how stupid this saying is. Last shift we were dispatched to the local elementary school for an "assault". Any normal person would construe this to be a couple of school kids getting into it on the playground and some teacher going off the deep end for no other reason then she is incapable of dealing with two angry nine year olds and a bloody nose. BUT NO not in my line of work. Let me paint a picture for you. The day at school starts with two kindergartners (Yes we are talking about two five year old girls here.) getting into some retarded five year old argument that results in some hitting. So five year old A hits five year old B. Over the course of the morning the school notifies mom A and mom B that their precious spots of sunshine have gotten into a tussle at school and they all need to have some kind of metro sexual meeting to resolve the anger issues of the afore mentioned five year olds. Now the stage is set for some hard core white trash Jerry Springer shit. Low and behold mom A and mom B meet in the parking lot on the way into the liberal hug fest that is now our way of dealing with things in this country and out comes a little bit of good old Americana! Somewhere between the car and the entrance to the school words are exchanged between mom A and mom B resulting in mom A punching mom B in the suck with a pair of BRASS FUC*ING KNUCKLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ya baby!!!!!!!!! Take that! As we are loading mom B into the ambulance with a shattered jaw mom B's in the back of the police car. What was her reason for this reaction? That's right you guessed it! "I'm from east L.A. and that's how I roll". Are you fuc*ing kidding me? Well madam why don't you roll right on over to jail while your precious little spot of sunshine rolls into foster care for Christmas. I swear to God I hate people. How could you destroy your child's Christmas because "that's how you roll"? What a maroon! Anyone useing the term "that's how I roll" probably should just roll off a cliff and die. But that's just my opinion because ya know.............................thats how I roll.